How to Connect with Others – A Guide to Keeping It Safe
By: Deb Maes
September 26, 2012
During coaching and chatting this last week or two, there has been a common theme about connecting, about feeling confident and safe when fully opening in relating with others, especially in intimate relationships.
This got me to wondering …
Why do we fear honest and true connecting with others?
It’s true it can be challenging enough to be connected with our own self in a balanced way when we are living in a world which itself is out of balance. The yang outweighs the yin; the masculine outweighs the feminine; the head outweighs the heart and the gut; the fiscal outweighs the ethical; work outweighs pleasure, and you will be aware of other imbalances in the world in which we live.
But, we often hear that we need to ‘find a balance’. Well, you can’t find a balance. Where would you have left it? Did you put it down with your keys? Is it in the glove box of the car? No, balance can’t be found! It develops, through being constantly aware of ever changing flow of life, through staying in tune with your energies, and consciously choosing an on-going state of balance.
You know that keeping physical balance, like when standing on a balancing ball, or an uneven surface, requires strong core muscles, and it is the same with keeping our internal balance, we need to strengthen and support our mental, emotional and spiritual muscles, as it were.
So, how can we continue developing the internal strength that can allow us to always…
be with self and others in a balanced and responsive way?
First, we need to find the balance within, and come to our center. This develops through being present, practicing mindfulness and correct breathing (along with good posture, diet, sleep and exercise of course). It’s then we can harmonise with those close to us. This happens through open and honest communication, removing judgement, letting go of attachment and expectations, opening to the energies of others and flowing with them. This is not achieved in a day or in the moment we…
recognise the value of developing your balance.
This is a life journey we can choose to take.
Yes, some ‘technical’ knowledge is helpful, when it comes to, intimacy and relationships, and I do teach this in my workshops and in coaching programs, but ultimately it’s much more about ‘how’ you do things rather than ‘what’ you do. It’s about the ‘being’ rather than the ‘doing’, it’s about feeling positive and confident about yourself as a person and expressing that from the inside out. That too is about balance, about being centred and calm and confident and being able to flow with what’s in you and what’s between you and the other person.
And, although it takes courage to continually challenge your fear and grow strong in responding from your center, I can absolutely guarantee you, it IS a much safer way to be with others.
As you think about this now,
how is it you can know that acting out of our fear by being defensive actually brings to us the very thing we fear?
Living courageously is a reward in itself – scary at times, but so worthwhile and exhilarating.
Ask yourself, what’s one thing you can do right now to…
begin to …
challenge a fear,
strengthen your courage and
develop greater balance now?
Yes, now, today, in this moment.